gotta love the giant machine-gun-ball!

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via coilhouse

according to spider-man 3, not only can sandman cry, but he can fly?! wtf?! what a disappointing movie, and a crap-tastic script. too bad there’s ZERO chemistry between kirsten dunst and…well, *everyone*. the five-minute scene between thomas hayden church and his (ex?) wife had a many times more chemistry than the entire movie. oh, and can someone PLEASE give mj something to do besides whine and scream? fun special effects though, and some nice thrilling “stunt sequences.” overall, it was a decent spectacle. too bad the script was subpar.

But first, some people will absolutely hate this movie…the meandering pace…the difficulty of following some scenes…the feeling that you’re watching (at least for the 1st hour) a really really long perfume commercial (philosophical voiceovers anyone?) The movie doesn’t have much dialogue, and frankly the plot’s a bit skimpy, but that’s missing the whole point. This movie isn’t meant to be “watched” so much as it’s meant to be submerged into. If you’re looking for a 2+ hour journey to another place…forget about all that and just let go. The gorgeous scenery and everpresent ambient sounds combined with the fade outs make the whole movie really dream-like, and once you enter that state, you’ll think it’s worthwhile.

my review:…

ok, i enjoyed the movie overall. i don’t think it deserves all the bad reviews it got, any more than batman deserves all the rave reviews. that said, ff was a pretty mediocre movie with a less than mediocre story and mediocre acting.

there are BIG HUGE gaping holes in the story…so put on your suspension of belief goggles. but the movie really kept a lot of the good elements of the ff stories in place. the feeling of the ff being one big family was decent, especially with the thing and the human torch. michael chiklis…man, it’s amazing what that guy can project through all that make-up, especially with his eyes. the scene where he tries to pick up his wife’s wedding ring… chris evans does a good job with the torch. it’s actually really fun watching him go through the motions of being an immature happy-go-lucky hothead, especially with ben (grimm, the thing)

jessica alba…rowrl…but i believe she’s a head geneticist just slightly more than i believed elisabeth shue developed cold fusion in the saint. she’s certainly got that whole “you-talkin’-ta-me” attitude down…too bad that’s about it.

ioan gruffudd as mr. fantastic. he’s got a few decent moments and that’s about it. yawn.

doctor doom…ok, movie producers just can’t get megalomaniac villains right…except for magneto in x-men. but s***…ian mckellen…but i digress…yeah…um…dr doom…sucks…big…time…

but you know what? i still enjoyed the movie. it’s lightweight fluff with problems, but still not nearly as bad as everyone is saying. i’d give it a b-/c+

• why is he always hunched over and/or looking down? posture, batman! posture!
• um…his chin…it looks like jay leno in the costume in a lot of scenes
• the funky rubbery thud-thud-thud-thud sounds of the batmobile’s wheels instead of squealing…neato
• wait–so the opera house is in a slum?! are you kidding me?
• gary oldman…it actually took me a while to realize who it was…he *owns* commissioner policeman gordon
• fight scenes — what the hell is going on? i can’t see!
• ok! i get it! this movie is about fear! stop already! i get it!
• cillian murphy…another work of great casting!
• wait…did i go into the wrong theater? is this Speed? where’s sandra bullock? where’s keanu?
• wow…the way christian bale just “transforms” from “batman” to “bruce wayne”…it’s like a jekyl and hyde moment

(i had this thought last week when i watched star trek ii for the nth time: ricardo montalban would ROCK as ra’s al ghul!)
i really really really wanted to like this movie, and i do…maybe i’m being nitpicky…but i’m somewhat disappointed. christian bale is amazing. and i like most of the cast…though i’m really sick and tired of morgan freeman playing the “enlightened black man”
i give this movie a b, but that’s only because i reeeaaaalllly like batman

(a quote from my cute but comic-illiterate wife: “i didn’t understand the storyline…i thought when he was a boy, he was bitten by a bat and got powers?”